Larson Institute of Self-Mastery » Self-Image

What Are You Focusing On?

Gary N. Larson — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 07:09:32 +0000

I talked earlier about the concept of Threshold, of reaching a boiling point in your life, of hitting rock bottom and realizing you need to change. But after that, then what? Where do you go from there? Many people have reached that point and they say, “I’m going to make a change, I’m going to turn over a new leaf.” But, you know, they go to bed, they get up the next day, and life goes on and nothing really changes. Well, that’s a good point. Where do you go from there?

Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want

I think many times we focus on the bad habit or behavior that we want to change and that’s where our mind is, that’s where our attention is, that’s where the vision is, the pictures that we have in our mind. Now I’ll go back to the example of the person who overeats. You know they say, “I’ve got to change, I’ve got to go on a diet, I’ve got to quit eating the food.” They put all of their focus on not eating and they are constantly thinking about food, saying things to themselves like; “I can’t eat the chips and salsa. I can’t eat the chocolate cake in the fridge. I’ve got to count calories.” Their whole focus is all on food, and not eating the food.

Dominant thoughts

The problem is, the picture that you have in your mind when you’re in this mode is of food and your mind draws toward what you have pictures of in your head. Let me rephrase that, not your mind, but whatever pictures you have in your mind; that’s what you’re drawn towards. The person who wants to quit swearing for example, if he’s just constantly telling himself, “I’m not going to swear, I’m not going to swear.” The thoughts in his mind are all about swearing.
The focus can’t be on what it is your trying to stop. It’s got to be on the behavior you’re going to replace it with. So for the person who wants to change the way they look, their physical appearance, their health, they shouldn’t be focusing on not eating food. They should be focusing on what they’re going to look like in six months or a year down the road-what kind of lifestyle are they going to have? It’s got to be a lifestyle change.

“See” what you want

They can’t say, “I’m going to stop eating food for the next ten days” or “I’m going to stop eating until I’m down to a certain weight and then resume my regular lifestyle.” That’s not going to work. You’ve got to see in your mind who you’re going to become. And then once you decide what kind of life you’re going to lead, are you going to be a biker, a runner, are you going to get up and do aerobics, kick boxing, whatever it is, you need to see pictures of yourself in good health, pictures of yourself in your mind having the body, the physique that you want, looking the way you want and then move towards that picture.

Suddenly you start to make changes in your life because your current behavior is incompatible with the way you see yourself. You need to start looking, acting, walking, and talking like that person.

Now that is focusing on a small part of your entire self, your physical body. You can bring this up to even a higher level and see yourself as a completely different person, a person you have described and envisioned in every detail, the real “you” deep inside of you. You begin to change every aspect of your life. It all begins with what you are focusing your mind on on a regular basis. So be aware of your thoughts, be aware of the images and pictures you have in your mind because whatever your dominant thought is, that is what you will create in your life.

Gaining Self Confidence To Succeed In Anything!

Guest — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 08:20:40 +0000

Author: Mike Paetzold

Where does self confidence come from? How do we get it? Why don’t I have it? The answer to all of these questions can be answered with one word – you! Self confidence starts with you, your perception of yourself, and what other people think about your actions or behavior.

For some of us, a lack of self confidence only affects our high ambitions. You might have always wanted to get up on stage, or to be a professional singer or actor for example. Perhaps your life dream is to travel the world, visit different countries or cities, but you don’t have the self confidence to do it. For others, the problem of self confidence is much closer to home – in the office, business meetings, public speaking events or presentations.

Self confidence issues affect most of us at some time, and we can usually find ways of getting around the problem. Avoidance is one tactic we often use – if we can get out of an intimidating situation we’ll make up excuses not to take part. However, there are times when we can’t get out of it, or we really don’t want to. If a lack of self confidence is preventing you from doing trying something new, or from succeeding in your working life, it’s time to do something about it.

The starting point in improving your self confidence is understanding what causes the problem. Low self esteem, not believing in yourself or your ability, feeling inadequate compared to your colleagues or friends or maybe some kind of trauma from your childhood are all contributing factors. By examining the reasons for your low self confidence, you’re halfway there!

Taking positive action to overcome your fears is the next step to help boost your self confidence. A simple way to do this is by taking on small challenges. You have allowed your brain to associate certain events or actions with fear, so you’ve already pre-empted the outcome of these situations. By taking a small step towards conquering this, you’ll find that the result is most likely not as bad as you think – in fact, you’ll probably be surprised about how good you feel and your self confidence will instantly increase.

When you’ve completed your first small challenge, congratulate yourself on achieving your aim. A small reward can often help. You’re already on the right path to improving your self confidence, so you’re ready to take it to the next level. This doesn’t need to be a huge task; you don’t want to undo all the good work. Building up your self confidence takes time, and while you might want to leap ahead, it can be a good idea to take things slowly at first. Steadily increase the risks you’re taking to get your self confidence to where you want to be. Risk taking does not, of course, mean jumping off a bridge, but the perceived risk of something happening as a result of your actions is usually the biggest barrier with self confidence.

Self confidence problems are common for most people, and there are excellent resources to learn to deal with these issues, but if you do have severe difficulty facing certain situations you should seek professional help.

About the Author

Mike Paetzold has more information on improving your self confidence at this site on Self Confidence.

The Power of Dominant Thought

Guest — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 08:02:56 +0000

Author: Brian Carson

Wayne Dyer, the famous author, speaker and teacher, likes to say in his writings that what you focus on expands. Nothing could be more profound or truthful.

What you focus on expands should be a rallying cry for all who want and are willing to pay the price to live the life they imagine. We are the sum total of all our thoughts. Our dominant thoughts create the life we have lived up to this point and will create our futures as well. Make no mistake about it.

This is not some New Age hocus-pocus. This principle has been around for centuries. The Bible says, “As a man thinketh in his heart, that is what he is.” Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius said, “a man’s life is dyed by the color of his thoughts,” and the Buddha commented that, “All that a man is comes from his thoughts.”

All of us at one time have used this power of dominant thought, whether we realized it or not. When as I was about 12 or 13 years old, I really wanted to be a running back on my midget football team. Most of the time, I played on the offensive and defensive lines, but I set my sights on running back.

During the full three months of summer vacation, all I thought about morning, noon and night, was being the starting running back on the football team. Soon summer was over and we had our first practice. The coach asked us where we wanted to play and I said running back.

Long story short, I won the starting position in tryouts and played the entire season as the starting fullback. All from my dominant thought over the summer.

That is just a minor example of the power of dominant thought. There have been larger and grand examples throughout history, like Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan to name a few.

The important key to remember is it must be dominant thought. Half-hearted or fleeting thoughts will not bring about the desired intent. Only a thought that consumes you, that dominates your waking moments, is strong enough to make it become a reality.

Thoughts are things. Thoughts are electrical impulses and if a thought is strong enough it can reach out into the quantum field, which is also made up of various light vibrations (electrical impulses), and match you up with your desired thought. Like attracts like. This is a fact. If you couple your dominant thought with focused, confident action – life will give you whatever you ask.

About the Author

Brian Carson is a writer, Internet marketer and a self-improvement coach. He has created a new website that gives advice on success philosophy, resume creation and cover letter tips for job seekers/career changers. Visit his site at: http://www.writepowerfulresumes.com/center/index.html or to read more great articles go to http://fourpillarsofsuccess.blogspot.com/

How You Perceive Yourself Affects How Well You Learn

Guest — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 08:17:47 +0000

Author: Martin Mak

Is it possible that your mental performance hinges on how you think people perceive you or how you perceive yourself? Professor Robert Rosenthal of Harvard University discovered many years ago how powerfully your perceptions of people can affect their behavior. The same principle applies to your perception of yourself.

Rosenthal and his colleague Lenore Jacobson, in 1968 reported a study of what they called Pygmalion in the Classroom. The title refers to the George Bernard Shaw play about the way in which a linguist shaped the speech of a Cockney flower girl. Rosenthal and Jacobson discovered that perceptions can affect even children’s measured level of intelligence. They divided the children in this study into two groups. He told teachers that the children in the first group had a high IQ and that the children in the second group had a lower IQ. In reality, however, there was no difference in average IQ between the two groups. At the end of the school year, he measured the children’s IQs again. What do you think he discovered? The teachers’ perceptions had actually changed the children’s IQs! Now the children perceived as having the higher IQ by their teachers really did have higher IQs than the ones perceived as lower in IQ. Since then many other experiments have confirmed the same fact. Your perception of people itself often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What causes the Pygmalion Effect? Teachers often give more help and encouragement to certain of their students even though they consciously try to treat all children equally. Sometimes the differences are overt. Certain students may receive more attention in class or more stimulating assignments. Teachers often genuinely feel that it is appropriate to favor certain students in this way. They may think that the most able students require more attention than the others do if they are going to develop their special talents.

Sometimes the differences are subtler. If an “intelligent” student gives a wrong answer, teachers are likely to attribute it to laziness or carelessness. They will therefore encourage the student to work harder or to be more careful. On the other hand, if an “unintelligent” student gives the same wrong answer, teachers are likely to attribute it to lack of ability. They will expect neither extra effort from the students this time nor a better job next time.

Pygmalion Effect research tells us that other people’s perceptions of you influence your performance. How will this effect you? The manner you perceive your yourself can have an even more powerful effect than how other people perceive you.

Let us examine the lives of 2 people, Annie and Joyce. They both perceive themselves as intelligent; nevertheless, their sense of the source of their innate intelligence is quite different. Annie views herself as having been blessed with an unusually fine mind. She sees evidence of this in her ability to master large amounts of information. Her mind sometimes seems to her like a sponge, because it soaks up information so quickly. Joyce views herself as having been born with rather average abilities. She considers herself as unusual only in her ability and determination to surpass her supposed limitations. In other words, Joyce plans to be an overachiever. Even though she may not start out being particularly good at organizing information, she believes that she can learn to become much better. Joyce starts to train her memory with memory techniques that she finds suits her personality. She finds that she can learn faster as she improves her memory.

What happens if you observe Annie and Joyce over the course of several years? At the beginning Annie does well assimilating information, and Joyce has a great deal of difficulty. Look again, however, a few years later. By this point, Annie is still where she started. On the other hand, Joyce has learned so much that she become just as successful as Annie is. Come back after another year and Joyce has clearly surpassed Annie.

Why did Joyce improve so much while Annie did not improve at all? You will find the explanation in their respective images of themselves. In the case of both, having a positive self-image served to create a powerful Pygmalion Effect. Nevertheless, no matter how useful the Pygmalion Effect was in the case of Annie, its significance was greater in the case of Joyce. Why was this? Seeing yourself as competent at learning is more powerful than seeing yourself as competent in other ways.

Joyce believed that she could learn to improve her memory and learning prowess; Annie believed that her skill depended on innate ability. In both cases, their image of their minds affected their performance. The difference between them is that Joyce sense of herself as intelligent relied on confidence in her own ability to learn. This is what gave her an advantage over the long run.

As you have more experience, you will come to understand your mind better and become more skillful at taking advantage of your unique abilities. Belief in your own ability to learn, change and improve your memory is one of the most powerful assets that you, as a user of information, can have.

A recent study by New York University study confirms this principle. Comparing two groups of African American college students, one group says intelligence is a fixed ability that does not change; the other group was encourage to see intelligence as changeable. Otherwise, the members of the two groups were interchangeable. They found that the students who saw intelligence as changeable not only on average earned a higher grade-point average but also reported enjoying the academic process more.

Those occasions usually put the lie to a highly elevated sense of one’s innate ability to organize information. On the other hand, being good at learning is much less rare. For that reason, many of us can be like Joyce. We have the ability to learn as long as we are able to remove all the mind blocks that happen to get in the way.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/psychology-articles/how-you-perceive-yourself-affects-how-well-you-learn-4784902.html

About the Author

Martin Mak has developed a new program to help people enhance their memory and learning experience. Find out how with his free and popular ecourse at

http://www.mightymemory.com

Discover How to Identify Your Core Desires

Guest — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:18:06 +0000

Author – Jack M. Zufelt

NO SENSE OF OBLIGATION

Core Desires aren’t objectives imposed on you by others. They aren’t “shoulds” or “ought-tos.” Core Desires are those things you want with all your heart. They are deep, intense, and powerful longings. They are persistent, ever- demanding, heartfelt hungers or yearnings that pierce you to the very core. One easy way to identify them is that they are always tied to a strong emotion in your heart- which is the reason anything in your life gets done at a high level of success, satisfaction, and fun. The Conquering Force is the only force strong enough to sustain the persistent effort and focus necessary to realize your Core Desires.

However, people often do things because they feel they have to, ought to, or should, not because they truly want to. It could be because they feel a duty or obligation or because they fear punishment, ostracism, or disapproval.

Your life is too precious, and your sojourn here on earth too short, to waste your time and effort on things that are not rewarding and fulfilling. Yes, at times you must “do your duty” with family, friends, employers, and country-but duty is pleasure when it aligns with desire.

We will always encounter some “have-tos” on our way to our “want-tos”-our Core Desires. That’s a fact. Some duties may be unpleasant, difficult, expensive, or even painful. But you won’t mind doing them if you are getting where you want to go.

If your heart is set on getting a college degree, you will have to take some courses you don’t like. If you want to get into shape, you will have to exercise. If you want to lose weight, you will have to change your diet. If you want to own your own business, you will have to take certain risks. However, you won’t mind the “have-tos” while pursuing your Core Desires because the rewards far exceed the price to be paid.

When the “have-tos” aren’t getting you to your Core Desires, your life is less fulfilling. It may even be miserable. Only when you are pursuing your Core Desires- those things that inspire you and bring you joy-will you unleash the powerful Conquering Force within you. You will experience profound joy, peace, balance, serenity, and happiness. As you pursue the desires of your heart, you will be happier.

What makes work work? When you don’t like it. When you love doing something, even if it is physically or emotionally demanding, you don’t mind the effort required; in fact, you may call it fun.

To experience a life full of enjoyable activities, day in and day out, you must know what you really desire. If you think you want something, but deep down at the core that’s not really what you want, you will never attain it.

WHAT DOES YOUR HEART DESIRE?

Do you know what you desire most in your heart? Do you have a sense of what it will take to realize those desires? Are you willing to pay the price? For example, suppose you want to become a certified public accountant. You know that you need to complete a course of study as well as pass certain tests to realize this desire. Now you need to ask, “Am I smart enough to learn what I need to know? Do I believe that the knowledge I need already exists somewhere in a class, a course, a book, a seminar, a mentor, or on the Internet?” If you answer these questions with a confident yes, you clearly have the ability to achieve your desire to become a CPA. Next, you will need to put your ability to learn anything together with the information that already exists. The catalyst for all this comes from your Core Desires. If you have had a goal for months or years and haven’t learned what it takes to make it happen-let alone started working toward it-it is not a Core Desire.

Drilling down to your Core Desires and exposing them to the light of day can be, at least until you get the hang of it, a little difficult and emotionally frustrating because you are not used to dealing with your feelings at the core level. So I have designed a measurement device to help you identify your Core Desires. This simple assessment tool serves as a guide to finding and knowing your heart’s desires-it causes you to reflect on everything you would like to have, do, experience, become, or achieve in many areas of your life. To help you assess the relative intensity of those desires, I have also designed the Core Desire Scale.

A GAME OF QUESTIONS

Identifying your Core Desires can be as easy as honestly answering these two Core Desire Search Questions:

1. What would I like to have that I don’t have now? You might ask this question to help you uncover your Core Desires in different areas of your life, such as family relationships, finances, self-image, social relationships, mental self, and spiritual self. This list isn’t all- inclusive, but it illustrates areas in which identifying your Core Desires could prove beneficial. With this central question in mind, try answering these questions to learn what you truly desire most:

What would I love to do if I had no obligations? If only I had more time?

What makes me very happy? What makes me laugh?

What tugs at my heart or stirs my emotions? What am I pining away for?

What would I love to do to help others?

What characteristics would I like to have or strengthen?

What do I want with or from my spouse and children? What do I want with or from others?

What do my best friend and I do for fun?

What did I used to do that I just can’t do now?

If I didn’t have to worry about money, what would I do?

Each of these questions will elicit strong responses-but not all of them are Core Desires. Ask this next question about each desire you have just identified to narrow the field:

2. If I had that, was that, or could do that, what would it give me and how would it make me feel?

Asking this second question helps you get past superficial wants and wishes and helps you see what difference this desire, once fulfilled, might make in your life. But your search is not over; you must now measure the strength of these desires.

THE CORE DESIRE SCALE

You must be very sensitive to the intensity of your emotional responses to each of the Search Questions. This sensitivity will help you accurately measure the intensity of your desires. Intensity is everything as it relates to the achievement of your Core Desires.

What a difference a degree or two of intensity can make in the results you achieve for your efforts! If you want to cook some vegetables or power a steam locomotive, you must heat the water to 212F to make the water boil-211F is very close, but it won’t do. Only when the temperature reaches 212F will the water begin to boil, bringing the results you want. If the temperature is between 95F and 106F, then the water is only lukewarm.

The seismograph, or Richter scale, measures the magnitude of an earthquake. The scale measures magnitudes of 0 to 10. Why is the difference between earthquakes measuring 5 and 7 on the Richter scale so dramatic? Because each number on the scale represents an earthquake ten times stronger than the number just beneath it. An earthquake registering a 7 on the Richter scale is ten times more powerful and ten times more destructive than one registering a 6. Imagine the power of the most powerful earthquake ever recorded-an 8.9 on the scale.

Just as the Richter scale measures an earthquake’s intensity, so must you assess the intensity of your desires, feelings, and emotions by using the Core Desire Scale, which has a range from 1 to 100:

1 to 20: whims, passing fancies, wishes, gratifications, momentary pleasures, and dislikes 20 to 40: shoulds, oughts, duties, obligations, assignments, and extrinsic motivation 40 to 60: moderate-intensity desires, wants, interests, and needs 60 to 80: recurring desires, growing intensity, strong mind-sets, and a sense of duty 80 to 99: Steady desire; relevant, important initiatives; strong interest and motivation. 100: high intensity, relevancy, immediacy, heartfelt, passionate, and dead earnest. These are Core Desires.

The things you hate and would never do in a million years are 1s on the Core Desire Scale. Things that you are sort of interested in and may like to have-anything about which you feel halfhearted or not totally committed-are somewhere between 40 and 80 on the scale. These are like 5s on the Richter scale. Core Desires are always 100s.

The 100s on the Core Desire Scale are like the 10s on the Richter scale-far more powerful than a want or a wish. A 100 is infinitely more powerful than a 90 on the scale. When you pursue desires that fall below 90 and encounter the inevitable problems and barriers, you will find that you don’t have the ability, or the drive, to move past them. You will get discouraged, give up, and hang negative labels on yourself. A 90 may get you 90 percent of the way there, but any desire that is not 100 will not have the ability to unleash your full internal power-the Conquering Force.

These desires that measure 100 are the source of your undying enthusiasm and discipline. They are the only desires that will provide you with the persistence, and ability, to overcome any and all obstacles. The intensity of these Core Desires will breathe life into your project, your family, your plan, your religion, your business, and your life.

Once you gain the skill of recognizing your 100s on the Core Desire Scale, you won’t have to go through the search questions and scale exercise again, but sometimes you will have to repeat the search questions several times to get to your Core Desires. It’s like drilling through layers of sediment to reach bedrock. You may hit bedrock right away, or it may take several tries. How quickly and accurately you identify your Core Desires depends solely on how quickly you get out of your head and into your heart.

THREE EXAMPLES

1. In the financial area of your life, what would you like to have that you don’t have now?

If you answer, “To be financially independent,” this may rate an 80 on the scale, but it is not your Core Desire. Now ask yourself the Search Question: “If I were financially independent, what would that give me that I don’t have now?” You may answer, “It would give me the freedom to do what I please.”

Using the Search Question again, ask yourself, “If I were free to do as I please, what would that freedom look like? What would that give me that I don’t have now?” This is where people get stuck. Often they have a hard time clearly defining their answer, so they repeat themselves.

If you find yourself getting stuck, just ask the question in a different way: “If I were financially free, what would that give me that I want but don’t have? What feelings would that give me?” You may say, “Oh, I know! I could spend more time with my family!” Or “I could quit working at a job I hate.” These emotional responses are your Core Desires. These are the 100s, and you should only spend your time and energy pursuing desires that hit the 100 mark on your Core Desire Scale.

If your answer were “If I were financially independent today, I’d be free from the stress and worry of not paying the bills,” you’d not be far from your true Core Desire. But what words jumped out at you as you read that last answer? Were they paying the bills or free from the stress and worry?

If you chose the latter, you would be right on. However, there are many ways to reduce stress and spend more time with the family, even without being financially independent. Being financially independent would be nice, but what you really want is to be free from the worry, stress, or guilt of not being with your family as much as you would like. Knowing that stress and worry are the real issues could give you many more options for achieving those Core Desires.

It doesn’t take being financially independent to be free of guilt or worry. You may need more money, but just how much more money would it take? You’d be surprised by what saving two hundred dollars a week-or month-would do. It might take some aggressive budgeting or reducing your car payments by selling your second car. Just changing your attitude can rid you of heaps of worry and stress.

2. In your social life, what would you like to have that you’re not getting now?

You may answer, “I just love helping others, and I’d love to do that more.” Again, this may be a 90 on your scale, but it is not your Core Desire. Ask yourself, “If I were able to help others more, what would that give me or make me feel that I am not getting or feeling now?” You may answer, “It makes me feel happy.” Try asking the question again, phrasing it differently: “Why do I love helping others? What other feelings do I have when I am helping others?”

Keep digging, and keep asking the Search Question. You may find your answer with “I love helping others and putting smiles on their faces” or “helping others makes me feel good.” Maybe even “I love the positive feedback I receive.” All of these may be high on your scale, maybe even 90s, but they are not your Core Desire.

Ask yourself the Search Question this way: “Why do I love the positive feedback?” Or “Why does it make me feel good?” When you answer, “It makes me feel valuable, important, or appreciated,” these are the real Core Desires.

Often people who don’t feel valuable or appreciated seek ways to meet those desires by helping others. No wonder they want to do it more: the real Core Desire is to feel needed by others. This is a definite 100 on the Core Desire Scale.

3. In the area of self-esteem and self-image, what would you like to have in your life that you don’t have now?

You may say, “I’d like to be more confident around people.” Though this may be true, it is not a Core Desire.

Ask the Search Question, “If I were more confident around people, what would that bring me that I am not currently getting in my life?” You answer, “I would be willing to speak up more and have my opinions heard.” By continuing to ask the Search Question, you are getting closer to identifying your true Core Desire.

Keep asking yourself the question: “If I were willing to speak up and have my opinions heard, what would that give me that I don’t have now?” You may say, “I wouldn’t feel like I’d let others or myself down by not speaking my mind.” You’re getting higher on the scale, but you’re not quite at 100.

“How do I feel when my opinions are not heard or when I am put down?” You may answer, “I feel bad and unimportant-like my opinions don’t matter.” These are strong emotions and evidence that you are on the right track.

When you ask the question “To whom do I want my opinions to matter most?” you may answer, “My spouse. Having my thoughts and feelings heard and validated by my spouse is very important to me.” You have found your 100, the thing that matters most.

This desire has a lot to do with having a safe, uplifting, and intimate relationship and little to do with self- confidence. If your focus is on confidence, you have set the wrong goal. All your pursuits of confidence probably won’t get you the validation you want from your partner.

This validation is gained much faster once you realize that confidence is not your Core Desire, but the need to have a healthy, happy, personally validating, I-feel- important relationship with your spouse. Many people are very confident in their work but feel deprived in their marriage or other personal relationships.

You may have to ask the question “If I had that, how would it make me feel?” several times or several ways until you’ve drilled down to the core and discovered your Core Desire. As you learn to become aware of your true feelings on any subject or issue, this exercise will become second nature. You are then in a position to live an authentic life.

By Jack M. Zufelt
“Mentor To Millions

Jack M. Zufelt is a bestselling author and has achieved worldwide recognition for teaching people the true cause of all achievement. His life’s mission is to impart the truth about-and dispel the myths surrounding-success and achievement.

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