There are some people who go to extraordinary lengths to take care of their car. They wash it, they wax it, they keep it tuned, they get it serviced on a regular basis and they keep everything in perfect working order. They have meticulous records of every oil change and rotation of the tires. Yet these same people neglect a much more important piece of machinery – themselves.

We see people all around us plodding along, making mediocre attempts in their jobs and their relationships. They are crippled in their attempts at success because the energy has gone out of their lives. When obstacles arise they don’t have the strength to rise above them. They are easily defeated. They go through life only half-awake!

When you burn a candle at both ends you will eventually get burned. Don’t squander and abuse the most incredible instrument you have – your body. Give it the care and attention it needs.

Shouldn’t our great aim in life be to preserve and keep our physical bodies in the best possible condition so we can experience and live life to its fullest? Why not make every occasion a great occasion? If this life is worth living then isn’t it worth living well?

In order to live life to its fullest we need to take care of ourselves both mentally and physically. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” What you think about yourself is manifested in your life and pictured in your body. If you are to make the most of yourself then you should never picture yourself as anything other than what you would actually want to be. See yourself as the person you wish to become. Your thoughts and actions are manifested in your body.

Everywhere you go you find people who are half-alive and barely awake. They resemble walking zombies rather than fully charged human beings. The world is full of them. They are the products of physical self-abuse and wrong thinking. They commit emotional suicide by killing every chance they have in life through neglect of their mind and body.

The saddest thing is to have an opportunity come our way and not be able to take advantage of it. Life passes us by because we aren’t ready to live it. We’re bogged down by poor health, fatigue, exhaustion and weariness. We’ve abused the instrument with which we live life with. When the conductor raises his baton, we are unable to join in the symphony. Our talents and gifts go unused. We are silent.

Too many of us overtax our strength and energy by pushing too hard. We live in an X-Treme world where it’s cool to push everything to the edge. We take risks. We eat too much. We stay up too late. Then we go to bed with sleep aids and wake up with the use of artificial stimulants. We have no time for true rest and relaxation. We are fooled by false economies, thinking we are saving time and accomplishing more. It’s a counterfeit sense of accomplishment. We’ve squeezed all the juice out of the fruit and are searching for more where there is none.

They say it’s a sin to be unkind to others. Isn’t it just as much a sin to be unkind to ourselves? Whatever you do in life, take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Care for and protect your vitality, energy and strength because they are the tools with which you accomplish everything else in life. The person who does this and has no money is rich compared to the person who is wealthy and has squandered their vitality and precious energy. Whatever you do, protect and care for the most amazing machine – You!

So you can say today, “That’s it! I’m done. I’m never going to do that again” or “this is the way I’m going to be from now on.” It’s the power of a decision. No change was ever made in anybody’s life without first deciding. Once you make a decision then you can move forward. A lot of times you say, “Oh it’s so hard to change, it’s so hard to do this, it’s so hard to do that” but really it’s not hard because you’re really not doing it yet, you’re really not making any effort until you decide.

The decision – when things begin to happen

Once you have made that decision, things start to happen in your life. Making that one single decision, saying from this point on, from this time, this minute, this second, I am going in a new direction. I am no longer going in the direction I was going. I have turned my life. I am headed in a new direction and everything I do and everything I say and everything I feel is different. This gets you on the road. You won’t totally change your life in a day but you will be amazed at how quickly you move in that direction.

Think for a moment about the story that Charles Dickens wrote, A Christmas Carol. Think about Scrooge. Think about what happened to him, how in an instant his life changed. After he was shown all the pain and misery of his past and the mistakes that he had made, and the person that he had become, and then as he looked into the future and was shown what his future would be if he continued on that path, if he continued in that direction – he made a decision, in an instant. He changed his direction. He changed his glasses, his lenses that he sees his life through. Suddenly everything changed.

Can you change in an instant?

Is it possible for a person to change in an instant? I believe it is. Think about Scrooge and how he changed in an instant. He totally changed his direction. He became a different person. Now, did everything change in his life all at once? No! But his direction changed and the lens through which he looked at life changed. The lens through which he made decisions, his feelings, his actions changed by changing that lens that he looked through. He changed the direction that he was headed in his life. Everything changed and he was now on the road in a different direction to a different life, to becoming a different person. You can do the same. You can make that change.

Now you don’t have to have spirits come to you in the night to show you the mistakes you have made in the past. You can do that on your own. Review your past. Review the pain that you’ve had in your life by going the direction you’re going right now. Think about all the pain you’ve suffered through. Think of all the opportunities that you’ve missed because of the actions and direction you’ve taken in your life. Think about where you could have been now.

Ponder your future

Think about your future. If you continue on the road that you are on now where will you be one year from now? Will you be any better of a person? Will you continue down hill? What about five years from now? Where will you be if you continue on this road that you’re headed without changing? What will your life be like? Is that where you want to be? Is that where you want to go? Experience the pain of this. Think about it. What kind of a life do you want? What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to continue heading in the direction that you’re heading right now? Is that what you want? No!

As you experience this pain of your past mistakes and what it will mean to you in the future if you don’t make any changes – let it sink deep down into your heart, into your mind, into your emotions. Feel this pain and make a decision now, at this moment, that you will not put up with this any more, that you will not live another second in this world headed in that direction, that you are tired of tripping up, falling down, making mistakes, following the easy path and suffering the misery from this. You want better things in life.

You know deep down inside of you is a different person, a better person, a great person, a person with potential. The real you is deep down inside you. You know who the real you is and it’s trying to get out. Why not let him out now? Defeat the old “you” and let the new “you” out. You can do all this with the power of decisions.

Copyright © 2008 Garold N. Larson

Epiphany - I’m not sure of the definition but I think it has to do with an “Ah ha!” moment when you learn something new or understand something for the first time. I feel like I’m having one today.

Right now, as I write this, I’m on top of a mountain, taking a day to be alone to think and to meditate.

A depressing discovery

Let me back up a little. I took some time yesterday to try and come up with a plan for change. As I went through years and years of my files containing goals and lists of changes I wanted to make I became very depressed. I saw a pattern of doing the same thing over and over and never making any real progress. For a brief moment as I sat at my desk at home I just felt like giving up, like it was a losing battle that I’ll never get a handle on.

I have to confess – I am a goal and list person – meaning I like to make lists of my goals, the changes I want to make. When I saw how many lists of goals I had made over the years and how I seem to be writing the same things over and over again and never making any progress – well, that really got me down.

So when I went to bed last night I was pretty bummed and I couldn’t sleep. I knew there must be some other way this is all done. I went to my library and looked through my books and pulled three out. I had already read these books so I just wanted to skim and read those things that I had underlined. The first two books were okay but the third book really made sense. It is entitled The DNA of Success by Jack M. Zufelt. I was up until 2:00 a.m. reading.

An enlightening discovery

He pretty much described me and my failure at making goals work. Then he talked about Core Desires. I won’t go into a lot of detail here but in a nutshell your Core Desires are those things you want so much and are so much a part of you that you don’t have to write it down. It’s inscribed in your heart. He talked about the idea that there are times when you decide to do something and for one reason or another you just can’t get it done. You procrastinate and it just doesn’t happen. And then there are other times when you get your mind on something and you just can’t stop, you’re obsessed with it, you can stay up all hours of the night and you have tons of energy.

The difference between the two is the second one involved a Core Desire and the first one didn’t. So the book really made sense to me – that perhaps much of what I was trying to accomplish was unrelated to my Core Desires or at least I need to look at it as a means to accomplish my Core Desires.

Michael Jordan

One example he gave that hit me hard was of Michael Jordan. No one can dispute that this man is an amazing success – yet he never had to sit down and write out his goals. It was coded in his DNA that he wanted to be the best basketball player there ever was. He didn’t have to write this down or make long lists of changes he needed to make. He saw in his mind and heart exactly who he wanted to be and worked every day at achieving that. He says:

I have the desire to become the best person and player I can become, but I approach everything step by step. It’s all mental for me. I never write anything down. I just concentrate on the next step. I envision what kind of person and player I want to become and I approach it with that end in mind. I know exactly where I want to go, and I focus on getting there.

Because he did that, all of the details took care of themselves. Instead of driving himself like a taskmaster he was totally motivated and driven internally to reach his aim, his Core Desire.

Yearnings, desires, passions

I see now where I have been going about it all wrong. What’s funny is I have hit upon this idea from time to time in my notes and writings but never recognized it for how powerful it truly was. In fact just recently I was out for a hike in the morning. As I do from time to time I recorded my thoughts on a micro-cassette recorder. This is what I said:

June 13, 2007 – Sometimes we focus on the smaller things like getting up on time or overeating or whatever, and those are good things. But what we need more is an overall self-image of who we are. Sometimes if we see the big picture or the overall image of ourselves then the little things fall into place.

As I’ve said before, I believe God gives us clues about what our purpose is in this life, what our life’s mission is. We need to examine our yearnings and desires and passions and understand that God doesn’t just put them there to torment us. He doesn’t give us these yearnings and desires for no reason at all any more than he doesn’t give a honey bee the desire to seek and gather nectar without the existence of a flower. It’s a natural thing. You have desires and yearnings because you really do have a purpose in this life and you really do have the possibility of achieving it. That’s my belief.

So there you have it. There is another way to achieve that doesn’t require goals, motivational speakers, positive mental attitudes, affirmations or visualizations. Some of these may be the wheels on the train but they don’t provide the steam. Your Core Desires provide the steam.

A prime example

It’s interesting that as I learn about this concept of Core Desires I can now look back in my life and see where I have experienced it without realizing it. In fact, my creation of this website is a prime example. It was only one month ago that I came across the concept of creating a website such as this. I saw how it had the possibility of fulfilling several of my Core Desires. I dove in head first, so-to-speak. My every waking moment found me thinking and pondering this idea. I was totally obsessed with it and began immediately to work on it. You could hardly call it work – it was total enjoyment for me. I created one whole website and wasn’t satisfied with it and scrapped it and created another. I learned all I could about websites and blogging and on and on. It was pure enjoyment for me because it was helping fulfill one of my Core Desires.

The poem from the past

Its funny how my past comes back to haunt me or bless me at times. Ironically many years ago, before I was even married, I had come across an unnamed poem that I liked so much that I committed it to memory. Since I didn’t know its name I entitled it Desire. I haven’t recited it or even thought about it in years and yet a framed copy of it hangs in my office. It’s ironic because of how precisely it describes what I’m talking about today. This is the poem:

Desire
(Author unknown)

If you want something bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
To work day and night for it,
To give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it,

If only the desire of it makes your aim strong enough
Never to tire of it,
And life seems all empty and useless without it,
And all that you dream and scheme is about,

If gladly you’ll sweat for it,
Fret for it, plan for it,
Pray with all your strength for it,

If you’ll simply go after the thing that you want
With all your capacity, strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope, confidence and stern pertinacity,

If neither poverty nor cold nor famish nor gaunt
Nor sickness nor pain of body or brain
Will keep you away from the aim that you want,

If you’re dogged and grim,
Besiege and beset it,
And you’ll get it!

I have recited that poem perhaps a hundred times over the years, but today, for me, it has new meaning.

Mission in Life and Core Desires

Things don’t happen in your life unless you have a deep desire for it, a passion for it. You can write down all the goals you want but unless they are tied to your Core Desires they just aren’t going to happen. I suggest you read my articles entitled: An Overpowering Mission in Life and Ponder Your Life – Find Your Mission. What these articles do is help you understand and discover your Mission in Life, which, in reality, is the fulfillment of your Core Desires. As I continue to learn more about these concepts I will share with you what I learn. Thank you.

Copyright © 2009 Garold N. Larson

When you look in the mirror are you happy with who you see? If you are like most people you will tend to see your own faults over your qualities. It’s amazing how critical and judgmental we can be with ourselves. It can suck the vitality and energy out of our life if we are constantly chipping away at who we are. It’s like trying to blow up a balloon with a pin hole in it. It takes constant effort. Our incessant internal criticism and judgment deflates our self-esteem faster than we can fill it.

A certain amount of self-analysis is good and healthy. If not, we would never make any improvements in our lives. We need to examine ourselves from time to time and determine the areas we need to improve on. However, this can be overdone to the point of being hyper-critical and counter-productive. You become your own judge, jury and jailer.

What are the causes of Self-Criticism?

1. Comparing ourselves with others. We are great at putting ourselves down because we know ourselves the best. We are intimately and painfully aware of each of our faults. The trouble is, when we look at others we tend to see the polished and refined exterior and are unaware of the flaws and internal conflicts that they battle with each day. We tend to compare the worst in ourselves with the best in others. We can never win that game.

2. Unrealistic expectations of ourselves. It’s good to set goals and strive to make improvements in our lives. We should strive for excellence. However, some of us mistake perfection for excellence. When the goals we set are so high and out of reach for the average human being then we set ourselves up for failure.

3. Not realizing life is a process. Journeys are accomplished one step at a time. Bodies are grown one cell at a time. Buildings are built one brick at a time. These are all processes that are accomplished in a gradual, procedural way.

Imagine driving by a building under construction. What do you see? Half-built walls, pallets of bricks, scaffolding, unpainted surfaces, weeds and debris – it’s not a pretty sight. Imagine criticizing the building because of these flaws. That would be unreasonable because we know it isn’t finished yet. It’s under construction. Yet we fail to consider that our lives are not finished yet either. We are still under construction. Of course everything isn’t in perfect order yet. We are still in the middle of this process called “Life.”

What are the consequences of Self-Criticism?

1. Incorrect vision of ourselves. When we continually focus on our flaws and imperfections we get to the point of identifying ourselves as our flaws and imperfections. That’s who we become in our mind. Instead of thinking “I have a weight problem” we instead think “I’m fat.” It becomes who we are.

2. The “Why Try?” attitude. Since we identify ourselves with our defects and believe that’s who we are, then we feel like “what’s the use” in trying to change since that’s “just the way I am.” If you see yourself as a zebra then why try to change your stripes. It’s simply who you are.

3. Saps energy. It takes energy and effort to be constantly judging ourselves. Experiencing discouragement and disappointment in ourselves is like dragging around a heavy weight. It wears on you and drains your energy.

How can we overcome Self-Criticism?

1. Pay attention to what’s going on in your head. Make an effort throughout the day to be aware of how you talk to yourself in your mind. What are you saying?

“I’m such a loser”
“I’m so ugly”
“I never have enough money”
“I’m so fat”
“I’m such an idiot”

Be aware of these negative jabs at yourself and rein them in. Take control of your thoughts and shut down the negative ones.

2. Lower your unrealistic expectations. Give yourself a break. It’s okay if you’re not perfect. You’re not done yet. You’re still under construction as a person. I’m not talking about lowering your personal convictions or your personal moral standards – just your unrealistic expectations of yourself.

3. Focus on your good points. Start noticing what you are doing right. Focus on the positive things you accomplish every day. Make a list of all the things you are doing well and give yourself a pat on the back. Notice even small steps of forward progress.

T.S. Eliot wrote:

What is this self inside us, this silent observer,
Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us
And urge us on to futile activity
And in the end, judge us still more severely
For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us?

When you truly overcome self-criticism you free your mind and energy to move forward in your life. You are not stuck in Paralysis by Analysis. You become at peace with who you are and where you are headed. Remember, there is only one person in the world that you are compelled to live with – and that is with yourself. It’s best you both get along!

Thank you.

Copyright © 2009 Garold N. Larson

Self-Labels

Self-labels are an enormous force in your life without you realizing it. By understanding how self-labels are affecting your life you can begin to take back control over your feelings and actions. This article will help you understand what your self-labels are and how to change them.

What Are Self-Labels?

Everyone has self-labels. A self-label is simply how you automatically think about yourself. If you were asked to describe who you are, it is the description you would give. It is the list of attributes you would use to describe yourself. These are your self-labels. Our self-labels can be positive or negative. Here are some examples of self-labels:

• I am smart
• I am fat
• I am a night-person
• I am not athletic
• I am a runner
• I have a short temper
• I am an artist
• I am a smoker
• I am impatient
• I love computers
• I hate country music
• I love animals
• I hate animals

You get the idea. Self-labels are the “facts” you believe about yourself whether they are true or not.

How Did You Get Your Self-Labels?

Where do these self-labels come from? There are several sources.

1. Given to us by others – When we were growing up we were greatly influenced by the significant people around us such as our parents, siblings and friends. What they say to us and how they treat us aid in the formation of our self-image. We see images of ourselves in the “mirrors” others present to us and we believe those images regardless of how warped or imperfect those mirrors may be.
2. Self-created – Many of our self-labels are self-created as we experience the normal ups and downs of life. They are created from our successes and failures, pains and joys, frustrations and triumphs.
3. Media – The third way that self-labels are created is through the media that pours into our lives every day. Millions of dollars are spent on figuring out ways to make you feel that you don’t measure up unless you buy a certain product, look a certain way, drive a certain car or eat a certain food. We are blasted with messages like these from the media every day. They help form many of our self-labels.

How Are Your Self-Labels Affecting You?

You may be wondering why you should care about the self-labels in your life. Your self-labels are what make up your entire self-image of who you are. It is the blueprint your brain sees when it thinks about you. All of your actions and emotions will always be consistent with this blueprint. You will always act in harmony with it. It’s impossible for you to act in any other way except that which is in agreement with your blueprint of yourself.

The girl who thinks she is shy and unattractive to other people will manage to prove to herself that she really is shy and unattractive. The boy who thinks he is bad at math will find a way to fail at math. The man who believes he has a weakness for gambling will live up to that belief and continue gambling. The woman who believes she can’t sing will prove it over and over that she has no singing voice.

Each of us carries this mental picture or blueprint of ourselves in our minds and we simply cannot act contrary to it. To do so would not be in harmony with our beliefs about ourselves. We must live up to our self-labels.

What you continually tell yourself about yourself tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7) is an accurate statement.

Can You Change Your Self-Labels?

Can you change what you “think in your heart?” Can you change the mental blueprint you have of yourself? The answer is Yes!

Because we are dealing with “objective truth,” most people seldom recognize that the problem lies in their own evaluation of themselves. When they have tried to change in the past it didn’t work because their main efforts were aimed at their behavior, not the root of the problem which was their belief about themselves. One of the main strategies is to change your old labels to new labels.

Let’s look at the following two labels:

1. I am a liar.
2. I do lying.

Do you see the difference in these two self-labels? The difference is huge. When you say, “I am a liar” it gives the impression that this is a permanent condition and that you do it all the time. The “I am” makes it feel like this is what you are, that it’s part of you, that you inherited it and it’s something you can’t change or stop.

The second label has a very different feel to it. “It do lying” is still negative but it gives you the impression that you still have the possibility to change. It’s not who you are but something you do. It’s a behavior that you do occasionally. You can change from an “I am” label to an “I do” label very easily.

As you examine the negative labels in your life you can make this one simple change and give the labels a new meaning.

To take it one step further you can change a negative label to a positive label. “I am nonathletic” becomes “I am athletic.” I am fat” becomes “I am thin.” “I am bad at math” becomes “I am good at math.”

These simple words can have a powerful transforming effect on your life. You are, in effect, changing your mental blueprint of yourself. Once you have done this and truly believe your new self-labels, you can’t help but live up to that new picture of yourself. You must live in harmony with what you believe about yourself.

How Do You Change Your Self-Labels?

You can put this method to the test yourself by switching the words you use. Here are some simple ideas to help you do it.

• Write down your old, negative, self-label
• Change it to a new, positive, label and write it on card or sticky note
• Look at it several times a day and say it out loud
• Stick it on your mirror at home
• Carry it with you
• Change your wristwatch to the other wrist as a reminder
• Choose a color and whenever you see that color say your new label
• Put a button or bean in your pocket or shoe to remind you to say it often

You Are In Control

You are in charge of your thoughts. With this method you will become more aware of your thoughts and be able to control which thoughts you entertain on a regular basis. You can then be certain that your self-labels are positive and constructive because you consciously made a decision to make them that way.

Nothing will be of any use to us unless we have taken the most important step of all: The decision to produce change inside ourselves. Not a change in my father or mother, not a change in my wife, husband, children, not in anyone else—in myself. Let us initiate change in ourselves, for then and then only shall we be able to effect a change in other people. – Huxley

Thank you.

Master Yourself, Master Your Life

Copyright © 2009 Garold N. Larson