No marriage is perfect. Even the best of marriages experience problems from time to time. Just because you have problems in your marriage doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage or that you should end your relationship. A marriage is a work in progress which requires patience and love.

Marriage was ordained of God

We read in the Bible in Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

From the beginning marriage has been ordained of God. It is a divine institution. It is sacred and should be treated as such. Have you ever stopped and thought about the fact that, in God’s eyes, marriage isn’t just a legal transaction like buying a car or a house – it is a sacred rite, like baptism or confirmation. When we mess with marriage we are treading on sacred ground.

Worldly concepts that affect marriage:

Sad to say but there are few today who view marriage as sacred. I’m afraid the world we live in has contributed to the cheapening of marriage. Consider the following:

1. It’s a disposable world – we have disposable razors and diapers. You don’t even fix VCRs or DVD players anymore; you just throw them away and buy new ones. Marriage is looked upon in the same way.

2. It’s a quick fix world – you can fix your eyes in a day with laser surgery. You can whiten your teeth and get an instant tan in the same day. We are an impatient world and when something isn’t working we want it fixed right now. If we can’t fix our marriage right away then we want out.

3. It’s a “new morality” world – Chastity and virtue and faithfulness to your spouse are scoffed and scorned. But when you examine this “new morality” closer you’ll find it’s just the “old immorality.”

Marriage: A frightening adventure!

Marrying someone is a scary thing. You hope you choose the right person. You think you know them but you don’t. Not really! When my wife Lisa and I were dating we were so in love. We couldn’t stand to be apart from each other. Neither of us could do any wrong. Then we got married. You wake up the next day to a stranger! Who is this person? Our first time shopping together and we got into a big fight about cheese, if you can believe that!

Our first big fight

One time just after we were married we were at a friend’s house and I happened to say something that really embarrassed Lisa. Well, the drive home that night was not good. Boy did I get it up one side and down the other. When we pulled into the parking lot to our apartment building Lisa just got out of the car and started walking to the apartment without me. Obviously she didn’t want me with her. So I just started up the car and took off. I was going to show her!

I was mad. I drove aimlessly through the city trying to sort out my feelings. I needed to go somewhere to think but nothing was open that late at night. So I drove out to the airport. This was before the days of high security. I began walking around the airport trying to figure things out and blow off some steam. I was practically the only person in the whole place.

For some reason I looked at my hand. I looked again in disbelief! My wedding ring was gone. “Oh, great!” I thought. “I’ve lost my wedding ring and Lisa’s going to think I threw it in the river or something! I’ve got to find it.”

I began searching the airport, retracing all my steps. It was nowhere to be found. I searched my car. I drove around aimlessly knowing I couldn’t go back to Lisa without my wedding ring.

Several hours went by. I parked the car and just sat there. What was I going to do? Then a thought came to me. “Perhaps I lost it at work today.” At that time I worked in a small cabinet shop. I just happened to have the key to the shop with me. By now it was about two in the morning. I drove to the cabinet shop and walked up to the door. I had been running several machines that day. Each of these machines were attached to big dust collectors, like giant vacuums, that sucked all the sawdust into a huge dumpster just outside the shop. I looked at that dumpster and my heart sank. If my ring got sucked up in there it would take days for me to find it.

I unlocked the shop and went inside. I looked at each of the machines I had used that day. There, sitting on one of the machines was a pair of gloves I had worn when I ran that machine. I picked up the left glove and put my hand inside. There was my ring! Oh I was so happy.

I jumped into the car and drove back to the apartment. I climbed the three flights of stairs to the floor where we lived. As I came closer to the door I could hear loud sobbing coming from inside the apartment.

“Oh Gary, please come home! Pleeeeaaaaase come home Gary!”

Oh, my poor, dear, sweet wife. What have I done? I opened the door and said “I’m home! I’m home!” I fully expected her to throw her arms around me and shower me with hugs and kisses. Oh no. This was not to be! Lisa took one look at me and screamed, “Don’t you ever do that again! You dirty rotten excuse for a human being! How dare you leave me?”

And THAT was the beginning of our sacred marriage. It took a lot of compromise and give-and-take. We’ve gone through our good times and bad times. We’ve had six wonderful children and twenty six years of living and growing together to get to the point now where we can’t live without each other. We’re best friends now, where we finish each other’s sentences, and where we have more affection and love and attraction to each other than on our wedding day. We’re not perfect. We still have our struggles – but we’re in it for the long haul because we love each other and because God is our partner in marriage. And THAT makes it sacred. Just remember that it didn’t get that way over night!

Thank you.

Copyright © 2009 Garold N. Larson

Twenty-two years ago you came into my life. I will never forget that day. You were such a beautiful baby with lots of hair. As I held you in my arms I wondered what the future held for you, what kind of life you would live. I wondered if I could be a good father to you and teach you and raise you right. When you were a year old I wrote this in my journal:

Neil sure is getting to be a rambunctious little boy. He gets into everything. You have to watch him every second. He loves to climb up onto chairs and then up onto tables. He has a lot of bad falls and bangs his head quite often. He’s a good boy though. (Oct. 12, 1986)

And now, over twenty years later, I could write nearly the same thing except its cliffs and cars and bridges you climb up and jump off of! And I’m usually there helping to film the whole thing! You are definitely a young man that is cut from a different mold than most every one else. You have so many wonderful and unique talents and gifts that it excites me to watch you develop them and wonder where your life is headed. I’m excited to see what great things you will accomplish with your life.

Was raising you easy? Not by a long shot! Would I have it any other way? Never! Out of all my children I believe you have taught me the most. Yes, we butt heads a lot. You taught me patience, tolerance, acceptance, and a considerable amount of humility. These were lessons I couldn’t have learned any other way. Thank you. You also gave me great memories that I will always treasure:

Your birth
Feeding you
Bathing you
Rocking you
Tricycles and bicycles
Learning to read
Playing Peter Pan
Your Baptism
Jumps and ramps
Making your own skycoaster
Sleeping on the tramp
Jr. Jazz
Cub Scouts and pack meetings
Pinewood Derby
Climbing on the roof
Scaring me on the roof
Jumping off the roof
Early morning paper route
Rushing off to school
Battles over homework
Late nights and curfews
Skiing
Skull Valley
Monte Cristo
Motorcycles
Yellowstone Park
Camp Loll
Bear Lake and Pickleville
Lake Powell
Musical productions
Making movies
Editing, editing, editing
Film festivals
Late night talks about your movie making dreams
Eagle project and court of honor
Daddy Dates
Carnival Cruises
Red Knolls
Choir concerts
School dances
Playing your guitar
Playing the piano
Girls, girls, girls
Dating
Waiting up for you night after night
Francis Peak
New York City
The song “Cats in the Cradle”
High School graduation
Seminary graduation
Tijuana and surfing
Ordinations: deacon, teacher, priest, elder
Mission Call
Temple
Mission to Sweden
Email and letters
Picking you up
Sleeping in a Volvo
Homecoming
Felicia
Engagement
Wedding Day!

Thank you Neil for the life you have lived. Now you begin a new chapter that includes an eternal partner – Felicia.

Every parent’s greatest fear is that their child will make the wrong decision when it comes to marriage. But from the first time I met Felicia, I knew she was someone special. As you began to see Felicia over the next few weeks I could see from the light in your eyes and the excitement in your voice that this girl had a powerful effect on you. You became happier and more confident in yourself. I watched the way she treated you and how she brought out the best in you. I secretly hoped, for your sake, that your relationship wouldn’t end. My prayers have been answered. I couldn’t have chosen and more suitable young lady to be my daughter-in-law. Felicia, welcome to the family!

A wedding day letter wouldn’t be complete without some advice on marriage. You are a beginner and I’ve had 25 years of experience. So this is what I have learned:

• Marriage is grand, divorce is about 10 grand.
• The key to a long and happy marriage is to remember just two little words: Yes dear!
• Now that you are married, Felicia will always have the last word in an argument. Any word that you add after that is by default the start of a new argument!
• Remember, when you buy flowers it proves you are guilty. However, the consequences of not buying flower are far more serious!

On a more serious note, here are 15 tips that I have found to be very helpful in my marriage:

1. Night and Morning Prayer – to give thanks, to ask for help, to worship together.
2. A Daily Phone Call – to say, “I love you,” to touch base, to discuss your day, to show you care.
3. A Weekly Date – to go out to eat, see a movie, attend a concert, go to a park, or anything to just be together.
4. Daily Service – pay attention to what your partner is dealing with and lend a hand.
5. Live On a Budget – communicate about money, stay out of debt, temper your wants, agree on your expenditures.
6. Listen – not only to what is said but also to what is meant.
7. Regular Attendance – to church each week.
8. Daily Scripture Reading – to continue to grow in the gospel, to have the spirit, to be more like the Savior.
9. Support Your Spouse – in school, career and righteous goals.
10. Forgive Each Other – let it go, admit you’re wrong, don’t hold grudges and never use the “Silent Treatment.”
11. Patience – for tardiness, missed meals, thoughtless remarks, or imperfections.
12. Soft and Kind Words – gentleness, compassion, kindness, empathy for each other.
13. Care About Your Spouse’s Family – enjoy their company, get to know them, visit them, overlook their differences.
14. Occasional Gifts – small tokens of your love, notes, gifts of service or time.
15. Love with All Your Heart – “Thou shalt love they wife with all they heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” (D&C 42:22) This means no wandering eyes.

Well, there you have it, my advice to having a long and happy marriage.

Neil, I’m so pleased with who you are and your choice of Felicia as your eternal companion. You are a credit to our family. May you and Felicia have a wonderful, prosperous, exciting and happy life together.

With All My Love,

Dad

By Erika Gomm

Our 5 year anniversary is coming up! And so, I thought I’d make a list of the valuable lessons I’ve learned these past 5 years…

BYU football and the Utah Jazz are NEVER. GOING. AWAY. Nate will never suddenly hate them. I will never suddenly love them. And so, I let him live in his happy sports world, and he lets me be happily ignorant. Who am I to break his passion?

It’s fun to cuddle at night. But, truth be told, we sleep WAY better apart on separate sides of the bed.

Sometimes it’s okay to go to bed angry. I can get, uh, emotional when I’m exhausted, so stopping an argument and sleeping on it really makes everything better in the morning.

We married young, yeah, not really knowing how we were gonna make it through college or PAY for college and do stuff like, BUDGET, but you know what we woulda missed if we’d have waited for everything to be “perfect”? I think struggling through school together and all hard stuff for that matter and establishing a life together is fun. Everything works out when you work on it together. Wow that sounded High School Musicalish.

I picked a keeper. I mean, I REALLY picked a KEEPER. Nate’s the bestest hubby I could have asked for.

All that time spent the night before our wedding waxing and shaving? Wasted. Cause guess who can’t tell the difference?? And who doesn’t care?? And who didn’t know his wife waxes anything at ALL until like a month ago?? I’ve learned men, at least my man, is oblivious to such things as fuzzy upper lips. And legs with the likes of Bigfoot have not ONCE turned him off.

Marriage takes work. It’s brought out the best… and the worst… in me at times. But it’s totally and utterly WORTH IT.

Marriage is no place to be bashful. For example, I spent the first 3-4 months of marriage going to the bathroom everywhere else BUT our apartment to avoid embarrassment. I wish I were kidding… utterly ridiculous! When I later told Nate, he laughed so hard. After living together awhile, somehow all inhibitions bite the dust! It’s kinda nice just letting all guards down and being myself, even if it means not looking or acting presentable or appropriate all the time. Cause, amazingly, we love each other anyway!

Being on track in the gospel–gasp! does make things better. We are so much closer when we’re praying and reading our scriptures consistently.

IT IS TRUE: since having kids, the hotness of our romance is, well, not as hot. I mean, it’s definitely DEEPER. I’m just saying we don’t really pounce on each other anymore.

IT IS ALSO TRUE: things were awesome before kids. But now, things are the best.

Boy, pick your battles. Fighting over how to cut cheese, or whether potatoes are a vegetable or a starch (OR BOTH! HELLO who won THAT one thank you), or whether potatoes can be a main dish or not (wow two potato fights, seriously what was our problem) or whether I should be able to eat chocolate donuts while I’m nursing (turns out chocolate doesn’t affect MY babies so HA!) is just NOT worth the energy.

There’s nothing sexier than seeing Nate play with Jenna and Carter. Except maybe seeing him do dishes.

And lastly, we really have a great marriage and I’ve learned over and over in the last 5 years that, wow, we really are made for each other, my sweetie fits me perfectly and my love for him grows all the time, who knew? I love you with all my heart and soul Nate!