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Listening

Conversation

Jul 20th, 2011
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Conversation Guest author William Frank Diedrich

It has been said that one of the greatest fears people hold is speaking in front of a group of people, yet we seem to have no shortage of public speakers. There is a kind of speaking that inspires greater fear. This is the fear of having a real conversation.

Conversation is when two or more people talk openly and honestly, listen deeply to each other, and reach a common understanding. Agreement is nice, but irrelevant. The art of conversation is not about getting someone to agree with you. It is about seeking and finding a common understanding.

The first goal in conversation is to understand the thinking of the other person. The second goal is to articulate one’s own thinking in a way the other can understand. A true conversation is blameless, non judgmental, direct, and respectful. Conversation is a way of connecting. (more…)

How to Communicate Effectively: 10 Tips to Enhance Your Communication

May 11th, 2011
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Guest author Liz Bostick

  • Be clear. What’s the purpose of your message? Think about what you want to say before you speak to avoid confusing yourself and your audience with irrelevant, tangential information. While also true for written communication, at least you can edit words in print. Unclear about your message or content? Write it down, and rewrite it until it resonates with what you want to communicate.
  • Be simple. Communicate your thoughts in simple language that your audience can understand and relate to. Speak as if you are talking to a friend. Substitute clear and modest language for complicated,esoteric language.
  • Be direct. If you want to communicate a meaningful message, be truthful and sincere. Straight forward communication lends credibility to your message and engages your listeners. Avoid using blunt or provocative statements that might be experienced by your audience as offensive or disrespectful.
  • Be observant. Communicating is an interactive experience. It includes body language and eye contact. Be mindful of your body language. Are you open and accessible? Do you make eye contact with your audience? Eye contact varies across cultures, but generally it lets the audience know that what you’re saying is relevant and meaningful to both of you. (more…)

Did You Say What I Heard?

Mar 25th, 2011
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ConversationGuest author Rebecca Nagy

I was sitting across from some clients – the topic – “he doesn’t seem to listen to what I am saying”. As I watched the dynamic, I noticed that one of the group kept looking around the room, at his feet, picking imaginary lint off his pants – looking everywhere but at his co-worker. He wasn’t “hearing” what she was saying, he was searching for responses. In my over 20 years of counseling and coaching couples, individuals and groups, the first topic I always address is communication.

Whether you are communicating with a spouse, client or co-worker, the hearing mechanism is key to understanding what is actually being said.

There is a difference between listening and hearing. We “listen” to music – but when we are engaged in conversation we need to “hear” what the other person is saying.

The first key to really hearing someone is to connect to them by looking them straight in the eyes. This way you can get in tune with their body language, flashes of emotion and facial expression. You can also focus better on what is being said, versus what you think they are saying. We listen and hear through filters that are driven by past experiences and the emotional charge related to those experiences. (more…)

9 Tips for Effective Communication

Dec 20th, 2010
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CommunicationGuest author Bolanle Yinka-Babalola

We all communicate, whether at home, work, school or play. In fact, the art of communication is the first thing a child learns as soon as he is born.

In its simplest form, it has been described as the process of giving and receiving information. While this is true, most of the time, some of the information being given may be lost in transmission because of interruptions and other distractions that interfere with the communication process. These tips will help you to improve on your communication regardless of what end of the conversation you are on.

  • Speak Clearly and Concisely.

As much as possible, be clear and concise when you speak so that your listeners wouldn’t have a hard time trying to figure out what you are trying to say. Pay particular attention to your diction and pronunciation. If you have a problem with some particular words, you might want to practice them over and over again when you are alone so that it does not get in the way of your communication. (more…)

3 Roadblocks to Listening: How to Really Hear What Your Partner Is Saying

Nov 15th, 2010
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Guest author Kimberly Berry

Do you know how to listen? Sometimes we think we know how to listen, but we aren’t actually hearing what our partner is trying to tell us. The number one complaint I hear from couples is that their partner does not listen to them.

Listening is one of the most important tools you can master for great communication in your relationship. It may easily be the one tool that has the power to dramatically turn your communication around.

Listening takes effort and does not happen automatically. Many of us mistakenly believe that we will just suddenly become great listeners. It takes a little practice but your relationship will thank you for the effort over and over.

There are many roadblocks that get in the way of our ability to listen and hear each other.

Here are three of the most damaging:

1) Assuming You Know What Your Partner Is Feeling

When you tell your partner how they feel or what they mean, you immediately shut down the conversation. Think about the way it makes you feel when your partner claims to “know just how you feel.” The truth is that no one can ever know exactly how you feel. And that is okay. Your feelings cannot be argued with. They are yours and yours alone. Saying, “I can see how you might feel that way” is much more conducive to great listening. (more…)

We Hear What We Listen For

Aug 7th, 2009
by Gary N. Larson.
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Alarm ClockGood morning! Today I want to talk about an interesting phenomenon that actually happened this morning. It has to do with your mind’s ability to block out what it’s not interested in and only let in what it is trained to let in.

What brought this up was what happened this morning when my alarm went off. I have to admit that I hit the snooze button and jumped back in bed to sleep for 10 more minutes. I actually set my alarm 10 minutes earlier than when I plan to get up. So I lay back in bed and slept a little longer. When my alarm went off again and when I woke up I noticed that my wife was already out of bed. She wasn’t there. She had already gotten up to go wake the boys so they could do their paper route.

I thought it was interesting that I didn’t hear her alarm at all. We both have alarm clocks. They are very similar. They each have a red digital readout and their alarms sound very similar. It’s that annoying beep beep beep sound that today’s alarm clocks typically make. The sounds of the two alarm clocks aren’t that different really. They aren’t exactly the same but very similar. I thought it was interesting that my mind, my brain, is trained to hear my alarm clock and not hers. Her alarm didn’t wake me up but mine did. I thought it was interesting that I hear mine but I don’t hear hers. How can that be?

It makes you wonder about what else in life we don’t see or hear because of what our minds have been trained to see or hear. There is a story I once heard that helps us understand this phenomenon.

WE HEAR WHAT WE LISTEN FOR

Two men were walking along a crowded sidewalk in a downtown business area. Suddenly one exclaimed: ‘Listen to the lovely sound of that cricket.’ But the other could not hear. He asked his companion how he could detect the sound of a cricket amid the din of people and traffic. The first man, who was a zoologist, had trained himself to listen to the voices of nature. But he didn’t explain. He simply took a coin out of his pocket and dropped it to the sidewalk, whereupon a dozen people began to look about them. ‘We hear,’ he said, ‘what we listen for.’ –Kermit L. Long, taken from ‘The Three Boxes of Life,’ by Richard Bolles

We hear what we listen for. What are our minds trained to hear? What are out eyes trained to see? What are we conscious of and what are we unconscious of? What are we paying attention to and what are we not paying attention to? (more…)

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