Often when we are in a situation where we need to influence and persuade someone to see our point of view or to carry out some task, the other person will have objections. It is human nature for us to immediately want to argue the point with them using logic and reason. The problem with this method is that nobody likes to be proven wrong. Even when people know they are wrong they hate to admit it. You push against them and they tend to push back.

Instead of hitting them with a direct frontal assault by arguing with them about their objections, there is a better way.  This is where we use our most powerful word.

When the other person raises an objection, ask the question “Why?” and let them talk. When they have explained their objection, then ask again “Why?” and let them talk some more. Keep them talking by using the words “Why” or “Why not.” Nine times out of ten they will come to realize the folly of their own position and talk themselves out of it. Many times they come to find out that their reasons just don’t add up.

The key is to use your ears instead of your tongue. There is no argument that you could use that will be half as effective as their own words.

I challenge you to try this method of positive persuasion. The next time you need to get someone to do something, use the most powerful word in the English language – Why. Let us know how it went. We would love to hear from you.

Author: Steve Gillman

There are persuasion techniques that you can learn with a lot of practice. Then there are ones like these that can be learned in a few minutes and used today.

Have you ever tried persuasion techniques to get what you want? Consciously, I mean, because smiling and many other simple persuasion techniques are used unconsciously all the time. You might think that intentionally using a technique is somehow unethical, but I would argue that it depends on the purpose and the circumstance. In any case, here are some you can try at your discretion. 

Mirroring and Matching 

The technique of “mirroring and matching” involves changing your verbal and body language to more closely match the person you are with. You slow or accelerate your speech to match his or hers, and sit in the same position. You use the same facial expressions, and laugh when he or she laughs. Done well, you can use this technique to establish rapport quickly and easily with most people. 

You can try this on anyone. With practice most people won’t notice you’re doing anything unusual. People will simply feel like you’re like them, that you can “relate” to them. We tend to trust those who are like us. A bond develops between you, and you can test this bond by “leading.” 

NLP Techniques 

NLP or “neuro-linguistic programming” has produced some great persuasion techniques. For example, according to NLP, if you hear a person saying, “I see,” a few times, they’re most likely primarily process information visually. In this case, you would use phrases like, “You can see how…” or you would actually show the person things. More auditory people would be influenced by, “I hear what you’re saying,” or the word “Listen.” 

Note the words a person uses. Are they visual, aural, or kinesthetic? Use the same. For example, to convince your spouse to go to the Bahamas, you could say “We’ll be feeling that sun on our backs,” or “We’ll see sunny beaches and mountains,” or “We’ll listen to the waves at night.” Of course, you can use all three ways to describe something, but one of the three types of words will most influence the person in front of you. 

Some More Persuasion Techniques 

Use the person’s name a few times. Salesmen use and abuse this technique. In fact, a statement like “Look Bob, you can see the benefits here…” might just turn you off. However, using a person’s name IS a powerful persuasion technique, if you do it right. Use it how a person wants to hear it, for example. Ask him or her how they prefer to be addressed. Steve may not like “Steven,” and Daniel may be irritated by you calling him “Dan.” 

Also use the person’s name at the right time. If you are great at reading people and know it is okay, you might say “Hi Joan!” the moment she walks into your office. Otherwise wait until there is a bit of rapport, and maybe even ask permission (“Is it okay if I call you Joan?”). 

Use more motivating words. If you tell a person to “think about it,” they’ll often do just that. This certainly is not a call to action. On the other hand, words like “today,” and “now,” and “do this,” have been shown to make people more likely to act. 

Other words like “happy” and “feel good” simply address the unconscious mind and put the person in a more receptive mental state. These are more directly subliminal. Some subliminal persuasion experts will even tell you that the words “by now,” as in “By now you can see the advantages,” is subconsciously taken as “buy now.” 

Use the person’s most common words, whatever they are. If a man uses the word “efficient” often, then it’s an important word to him. An boat salesman (if he’s paying attention) should be saying something like, “You can see how efficient this boat is in it’s use of space.” Pick out any words a person uses often, so you can speak the same “language.” This is one of the easiest persuasion techniques to try. 

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Guest author Dennis Heath

In today’s fast moving business world, leaders need influence more than any other skill. Traditional thinking says that you must develop relationships over the long term in order to know someone well enough to exert real influence. But busy executives don’t always have the luxury of time. This article highlights case studies that demonstrate some simple short cuts to becoming influential.

In my executive coaching practice I encounter many clients who want to be more influential. Influence is often stated in terms of, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. But in the context of corporate life, as managers climb the corporate ladder, they need to be able to exert influence regardless of the depth of their personal relationship with others. Influence is needed to push ideas forward, gain acceptance for strategic plans, persuade investors to input more cash, shape policies, or simply to conclude a negotiation weighted in our favour. Many books have been written on influence but in this short article I showcase some of the techniques that my clients have successfully adopted to improve their power to influence. 

Put simply, someone is said to be influential if they have the ability to positively affect and shape the way other people feel about a topic or proposal by removing resistance and gaining support. When influence is skilfully exercised, objectives are achieved without duress and without conflict or protracted debate. 

If we have an idea or proposal in mind that we believe is unquestionably valuable and ‘the right thing to do’, the temptation is to barge straight into a negotiation or presentation, with the firm belief that everyone else must surely feel the same way and be suitably excited when they hear our proposal. In reality, to use a rugby analogy, they often meet resistance and end up in a scrum, pushing hard against the opposition until they eventually drop the ball and give up. The reason for failure is the assumption that the people we intend to influence have the same agenda, needs, values and beliefs as we do. These assumptions are invariably wrong. 

One of my clients, a senior manager with a large corporation in the finance sector, complained that Board meetings were always a battle. They went on all day and he constantly met resistance to his ideas and assertions. He had to deal with so many “difficult” people. My client was a very dominant personality, very knowledgeable in his field and totally confident that his proposals to the Board were absolutely right and there could be no other sensible way to proceed. His assumption was that the other parties must surely see the sense in his ideas, to the point where challenging them would be unthinkable. 

Through the coaching sessions he came to realise that, while his ideas and proposals had merit, he was merely transmitting them without any thought as to how the other Directors might receive them when filtered through their own values, beliefs and agendas. The question then became, “How can I get to know what their filters look like, so that I can shape my message to fit?” The secret is in the preparation before the influencing meeting. 

A week before his next Board meeting he circulated the agenda and telephoned each Director in turn, asking them questions about the agenda items. The questions were all simple, open questions, i.e. they could not be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. Typical questions were, “How do you feel about the proposal? What do you think of the idea? What appeals to you most about the new policy? What adjustments to this proposed new product do you think would make it perfect? What’s your opinion on how the shareholders will view this change of direction?” By asking open questions a great deal can be discovered about other people’s feelings and personal agendas. He listened very carefully to the answers (active listening being a required skill in influencing) and noted the responses. With the input he collected he was able to shape his proposals in a way that would appeal to each individual Board member and at the same time pre-empt objections. Unsurprisingly, his next Board meeting was very different to the previous ones. The meeting took half a day instead of a day and he gained approval for the majority of his plans without stubborn resistance or lengthy debate. 

Another client encountered problems with “difficult” customers, to the extent that in one case, in an important negotiation, the senior customer representative got up and walked out. As in the previous example my client was a go-getter, a forceful character who had no time for people who could not accept his perfectly reasonable proposals. He was on transmit most of the time and paid little attention to listening. He recognised that something had to change to avoid future disastrous meetings. 

Prior to his next critical customer meeting he conducted some research into the personality, likes, dislikes, career history, business style and affiliations of the senior decision maker. The forthcoming meeting was a one-shot, fail or succeed event, so the outcome was critical. The meeting was a greater success than he anticipated. Because of the way he was able to shape his proposal and hit all the decision maker’s “hot buttons” he not only succeeded in the acceptance of his proposal, but other party became an advocate for my client’s ideas within the customer’s organisation. 

The key point to remember from these examples is that attempts at influence are more likely to succeed if you first make the effort to understand the drivers and values of the people you want to influence. As the author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Stephen Covey once said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. 

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Guest author Steven Gillman

Persuasion isn’t about making a good argument. That may help, but not nearly as much as subtle techniques like this one.

The subliminal persuasion technique of “mirroring and matching” is easy to understand. It is simply a way to make a person feel more comfortable and trusting of you. We all feel more comfortable with some people than others, and there are reasons for this that have nothing to do with the character of the people and everything to do with the specific ways that they operate.

I had just one neighbor most of the year when I used to live in a small cabin in Michigan. He was a big friendly guy, and for lack of any other people, we spent quite a bit of time standing out on the road by the beach talking. After a year of this, you might think we got along just fine, and we did, except that we irritated each other. We never said it, but it was obvious that our “styles” clashed.

He talked so slow that it drove me crazy! I am sure that when I rattled on at high-speed it annoyed him as well. We became friends despite this, but can you imagine if when I first met him I was trying to sell him something or persuade him to do something? I would have seemed like the classic fast-talking salesman. Most likely, any efforts at persuasion would have failed.

This is why step number one of the “mirroring and matching” technique of persuasion is to match the pace of your prospect’s speech. Talk at the same speed, and people will feel that you are more like them. They will trust you more.

You should also use their words. If they say “I can see how that works” several times, at some point say, “You can see how this works.” Pay attention. If they use the words “understand,” “hope,” or the expression “That makes sense,” more than once, use the same words or expressions to persuade them. This is the “matching” part of this persuasion technique.

The “mirroring” part is simply acting, moving and positioning yourself as they do. Be careful not to appear as though you are mimicking the person, but mirror them as much as you can. Sit in the same position, use the same facial expressions. Laugh when they laugh, and if you are really good, laugh the same way.

When done well, you can use this technique to establish rapport quickly and easily with most people. Most people will never notice that you’re doing this, but of course don’t be too obvious. When you become good at it, the person will just feel that you’re a lot like they are, that you can “relate” to them, and they can relate to and trust you. A bond will begin to develop between you.

You can test this bond by “leading.” When you think you have established the bond, change your body posture, to see if the person unconsciously does the same. Uncross your legs and see if the prospect does the same, or lean back to see if they follow your lead. If so, they are ready to follow and trust you.

At this point, you continue to mirror and match, but you also start to lead the prospect. You lead him right to the bottom line on the contract, or to whatever action you want him to take. Practice helps, of course, but done properly, this is one of the more powerful persuasion techniques.

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