Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want

I think many times we focus on the bad habit or behavior that we want to change and that’s where our mind is, that’s where our attention is, that’s where the vision is, the pictures that we have in our mind. Now I’ll go back to the example of the person who overeats. You know they say, “I’ve got to change, I’ve got to go on a diet, I’ve got to quit eating the food.” They put all of their focus on not eating and they are constantly thinking about food, saying things to themselves like; “I can’t eat the chips and salsa. I can’t eat the chocolate cake in the fridge. I’ve got to count calories.” Their whole focus is all on food, and not eating the food.

Dominant thoughts

The problem is, the picture that you have in your mind when you’re in this mode is of food and your mind draws toward what you have pictures of in your head. Let me rephrase that, not your mind, but whatever pictures you have in your mind; that’s what you’re drawn towards. The person who wants to quit swearing for example, if he’s just constantly telling himself, “I’m not going to swear, I’m not going to swear.” The thoughts in his mind are all about swearing.
The focus can’t be on what it is your trying to stop. It’s got to be on the behavior you’re going to replace it with. So for the person who wants to change the way they look, their physical appearance, their health, they shouldn’t be focusing on not eating food. They should be focusing on what they’re going to look like in six months or a year down the road-what kind of lifestyle are they going to have? It’s got to be a lifestyle change.

“See” what you want

They can’t say, “I’m going to stop eating food for the next ten days” or “I’m going to stop eating until I’m down to a certain weight and then resume my regular lifestyle.” That’s not going to work. You’ve got to see in your mind who you’re going to become. And then once you decide what kind of life you’re going to lead, are you going to be a biker, a runner, are you going to get up and do aerobics, kick boxing, whatever it is, you need to see pictures of yourself in good health, pictures of yourself in your mind having the body, the physique that you want, looking the way you want and then move towards that picture.

Suddenly you start to make changes in your life because your current behavior is incompatible with the way you see yourself. You need to start looking, acting, walking, and talking like that person.

Now that is focusing on a small part of your entire self, your physical body. You can bring this up to even a higher level and see yourself as a completely different person, a person you have described and envisioned in every detail, the real “you” deep inside of you. You begin to change every aspect of your life. It all begins with what you are focusing your mind on on a regular basis. So be aware of your thoughts, be aware of the images and pictures you have in your mind because whatever your dominant thought is, that is what you will create in your life.

Copyright © 2011 Gary N. Larson

Author: Mike Paetzold

Where does self confidence come from? How do we get it? Why don’t I have it? The answer to all of these questions can be answered with one word – you! Self confidence starts with you, your perception of yourself, and what other people think about your actions or behavior.

For some of us, a lack of self confidence only affects our high ambitions. You might have always wanted to get up on stage, or to be a professional singer or actor for example. Perhaps your life dream is to travel the world, visit different countries or cities, but you don’t have the self confidence to do it. For others, the problem of self confidence is much closer to home – in the office, business meetings, public speaking events or presentations.

Self confidence issues affect most of us at some time, and we can usually find ways of getting around the problem. Avoidance is one tactic we often use – if we can get out of an intimidating situation we’ll make up excuses not to take part. However, there are times when we can’t get out of it, or we really don’t want to. If a lack of self confidence is preventing you from doing trying something new, or from succeeding in your working life, it’s time to do something about it.

The starting point in improving your self confidence is understanding what causes the problem. Low self esteem, not believing in yourself or your ability, feeling inadequate compared to your colleagues or friends or maybe some kind of trauma from your childhood are all contributing factors. By examining the reasons for your low self confidence, you’re halfway there!

Taking positive action to overcome your fears is the next step to help boost your self confidence. A simple way to do this is by taking on small challenges. You have allowed your brain to associate certain events or actions with fear, so you’ve already pre-empted the outcome of these situations. By taking a small step towards conquering this, you’ll find that the result is most likely not as bad as you think – in fact, you’ll probably be surprised about how good you feel and your self confidence will instantly increase.

When you’ve completed your first small challenge, congratulate yourself on achieving your aim. A small reward can often help. You’re already on the right path to improving your self confidence, so you’re ready to take it to the next level. This doesn’t need to be a huge task; you don’t want to undo all the good work. Building up your self confidence takes time, and while you might want to leap ahead, it can be a good idea to take things slowly at first. Steadily increase the risks you’re taking to get your self confidence to where you want to be. Risk taking does not, of course, mean jumping off a bridge, but the perceived risk of something happening as a result of your actions is usually the biggest barrier with self confidence.

Self confidence problems are common for most people, and there are excellent resources to learn to deal with these issues, but if you do have severe difficulty facing certain situations you should seek professional help.

About the Author

Mike Paetzold has more information on improving your self confidence at this site on Self Confidence.

Author – Paulyn Lloyd

Life can sometimes get on top of you and make you feel as if you have no hope and as a result you can start to feel depressed and powerless. But you may be feeling depressed but you are not powerless.

If you want to begin to feel better then first you need to just put your worries aside for a second.

I know it’s easier said than done but just trust me on this one.

Get a pen and paper and write down the things that you have in your life to be grateful for. Even if it’s as simple as running water, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, eyes to be able to read this etc, etc. Keep writing until you can’t think of anything else that you have to be grateful for. Have a think about this and think about how lucky you are to have these things.

Now take a fresh sheet of paper and write down all the things that you appreciate about yourself. What’s great about you? Are you a good friend? A great listener? Maybe you’re really good at drawing or a great cook? Be honest because if you look hard enough there is something amazing about all of us. Again keep writing until you can’t think of anymore or your arm hurts through writing whichever comes first.

Now just think about these things, who you are as a person and what you have to be grateful for and you should begin to feel a heck of a lot better. There is always a way out, you just need to believe in it. Do not beat yourself up over what you haven’t done just give yourself credit for what you have done. Don’t ponder of what you haven’t got, be grateful for what you have and I assure you, you will start to feel a whole lot better.

When you begin to feel better you will feel more motivated and like you can do more but you have to start with yourself. Do something you enjoy, put on some music you love and start to dance or a comedy. But shake off them blues because they don’t change anything they don’t help anyone least of all you.

Keep your chin up because you have plenty to be grateful for it’s just sometimes hard to see this when you are feeling down. When you start believing that you can feel better you will start feeling better.

Start with a smile, just a little one and then feel it deep inside your soul till you’re grinning like a Cheshire cat. Smiling helps shift your emotions and your mood. You deserve to feel better, the fact that you’re reading this tells me you want to. So go on, enjoy yourself do something fun.